I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
