out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
