Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
