Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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