Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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