i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
