24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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