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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
