So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
