Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
