Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
