Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
