well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
please come you make the beer taste better
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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