I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How naked do you want me to be?
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