How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
