She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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