just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
tonight lets celebrate not being married
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
