My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
