i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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