I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
