You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
