cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
