he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
