Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
