why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
