I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
