Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
