New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize