is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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