Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
