Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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