How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
