Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize