Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
