is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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