She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
