she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize