apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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