Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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