oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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