my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
did i just pee glitter
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
