is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
