we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
operation harelip BJ is a go
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
