from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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