M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
ttyl tear gas
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
