I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
