I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
