I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
