just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
