So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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