i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
