Can Purell be used as lube?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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