The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
