Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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