she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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