Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
