Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
