Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
