Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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