ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
