Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
