She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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