In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
