that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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