Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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