and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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