im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got inside last night via doggy door
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
