He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
