i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So. Much. Porn.
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