So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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