I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
