Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
