last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
