Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Rumble strips road head = magical
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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