dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
whose parrot is this?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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