I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
