the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
