whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
