two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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