she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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