just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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