I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize