if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
