Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
