As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
