i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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