He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize